Your mouth is God's brothel.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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