can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
