Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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