Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
