If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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