I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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