I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
