Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
