By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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