why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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