I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
