No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
