I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
