You're completely useless in the revolution.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
