That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
