But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
