that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
