The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
