Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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