At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
