You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
