ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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