Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
