A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
