I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
