All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
