I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
