get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i barfeds in our rink
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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