I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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