I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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