I hate all girls vehemently.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
