Define "chronic" masturbator.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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