I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
