Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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