two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want her autograph on my taint
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My vagina just clenched in fear
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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