I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize