Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
