i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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