Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
