New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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