Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
