I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
