Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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