I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize