I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i believe in u and ur pee
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
