I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
