We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
