have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
