my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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