I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
