his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
