I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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