the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
