Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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