That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
