Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
