I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
