I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
