you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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