just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
