My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
