Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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