can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My hand turned me down
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
