dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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